I've gotta be honest, this summer has not been that bad.  I can actually say that, for once summer has not been complete shit.  But that's because I've had to make it that way, I can't expect that I'm going to be invited every day and night to go see a movie, go to a party, go camping, or whatever, etc.  Which I think most people expect that, I'll just wait until someone invites me or, just sit on the side lines and jump in when the time's right, you've gotta create your own game. 

I enjoy going out to Tilt, we went last thursday and it was pretty good.  I enjoyed the show, the raunchyness and vulgarity of it is awesome.  It's just fun because it's like, you can really be yourself there, it's about half guys, half girls, have gay half straight, it's a nice mix of everybody, race, gender, sexuality, it's great.  And it's not just a gay bar, but it's probably not neccessarily the best place to go hit on straight chicks, but whatever.  Except that Nathan got hit on 3 different people, it's like what the hell!  I told the Drag Queen hosting the show to give me some tips, it was kind of funny.  Then I saw another guy later who was with the Drag Queen when I was talking to him and was like "Meet anyone yet?"  I was like "No!"  Because one guy who told me his sister was a lesbian and was gonna hook me up was meanwhile like making out with another chick in the parking lot, she wasn't my type anyways.  But it was fun, I want to do it again.  Then over the weekend we were supposed to go to the Renaissance Festival but instead we got in a fist fight with neighbors next to our cabin.  I got the worse of it to which is stupid.  My eyes a little messed up, I've got a giant bruise around my knee and my left hip and shoulder are sore. 

I've been thinking a lot about Katie lately.  Well, not really a lot.  But it's odd, she's forwarded 2 chain texts to me in the past week in a half.  It's kind of weird, but I don't care.  I feel kind of bad that I burned every bridge I had with her, but it seems that she's trying to rebuild a bridge to me, I don't care.  But I'd probably just go ahead and burn the partially built bridge if she were still with her girlfriend.  And it's not a jealousy thing either, I'd admit if I were jealous.  It's a I can't handle it knowing she's with someone else because I would become super depressed.  I'm not gonna lie I just can't handle that shit, I'm sorry, I just can't.  And I'm not going to torture myself by listening to her talk about her girlfriend or whatever.  I understand she needs a friend who can feel her pain about having a girlfriend who isn't allowed in the house, I do want to be that shoulder she can lean on, but I'd rather also be the hand she can hold and person she can cuddle and cry with too.  I don't know if I neccessarilly want to be with her still, or just anybody.  But I sure as shit know I would have been an amazing girlfriend to her, but I wasn't because I was afraid to be myself.  I was afraid to get in arguements with her, and speak my mind.  She would have liked me a whole lot more, and I would have liked myself a whole lot more too.  I do think sometimes how I would have loved to have her next to my side in the fight, helping me up off the ground, or seeing Pineapple Express with me, and just being with me.  I do miss her I think, but I don't know why.  Maybe just because I imagine how I wish things were with her.  I'd like to see her again, be with her again.  I dunno, but for the health of me it's probably best that I never do, but I don't know.  I think I miss her, I think I might just be crazy.